I felt I just needed to take a moment to really blog in thankfulness, because for the past week I’ve just had to wrap my heart and mind around the fact that God has redeemed me and essentially remade me. I had an awfully challenging time last year to say the least. It felt for awhile with everything happening on the outside like the Lord had completely taken my life as a vehicle and overhauled it with me inside, doors locked, but He knew what He was doing completely. I needed it all even if it felt like it was the last thing I needed. It is true, I’m leaning in reference to something I read, “They buried us, but they didn’t know we were seeds.”
With the arrival of spring one year later I am grateful for it all, the layers of circumstances that was meant to mold me and other people. I’m still thankful and now I can smile looking back because the Lord wanted me to just be even closer to Him really, in a way that I never was not even in my college years. Even if I still have no idea what the future holds after all this, I trust Him more than ever now to weave the new threads in. To be clear “They” in the quote doesn’t refer to anyone okay…just the heavy situations themselves, I never hint about grudges anywhere and if they existed the last place I’d take to venting about grudges is the internet. No grudges here now, only gratitude.
So much stuff came my way last year, multiple things, that I cannot outline all of it in one night even if one friend were to say they’d like to listen to it from the beginning, one rounded off evening with single malt scotch wouldn’t cut it. At one point I just wanted to disappear into some black hole (not die or anything like that okay, just hide from everything). Some friends were even like “I can’t believe you were going through all this…and that you’re only telling me now, I didn’t know.” A handful of my nearest and dearest endured my talking them blue in the face when I tried to make sense of things and they would firmly reassure me that the Lord worked all things for the good of those He loved and protected even if we don’t have all the answers. Another friend from the West coast abroad emailed back “Natutusok yung puso ko sa mga pinagdadaanan mo, Juls.” Many of us have had years like this, years that contain moments you can’t even release onto paper because reading it out just makes one feel nearly nauseous and in the dark…but there is light, there always is. The Lord supplied some of my much needed answers this year, but in hindsight I never needed them, I only needed Him. Slowly into 2015 there was a song that drew even the most bruised portions of me out once again into the world. I’m completely okay now and almost surprised to find myself here. There were actually two songs, but this one was my new year song. “Out of Hiding” a song by Bethel Music’s talented Steffany Gretzinger and Amanda Cook could not have more astutely played out what I needed to hear for the new year. I hope this song helps you, if any of you in the dark out there are still moving towards the light. Because He says “Come out of hiding, You’re safe here with me…”. Steffany and Amanda talk about the background of the song here at this BTS link in a special behind the scenes feature. Here is the official lyric video of “Out of Hiding.”