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Category: Just Julia

WHEN THE SKY DIMS

I’m an artist and a writer.  When circumstances start to overwhelm me I tend to spiral quite quickly because I’m so imaginative.  I imagine things and I describe them…even to myself…which can sometimes be an annoying, wasteful combination.  Sometimes I dread the strangest things even with no proof on the horizon.  This doesn’t happen all the time, but I am human and I visualize extremely well.  Over the last year and a half though I’ve trained myself to do something as soon as the most fleeting spell of sky dimming thoughts loom overhead.  You don’t sit pretty ’til things turn pitch black, you don’t comprehend, you don’t overthink while plucking daisies in one hand, Alice, you run at the first sight of shade.

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It isn’t escape, it isn’t flight, it’s common sense.  Just move somewhere else.  Strap balloons to your mind palace and transfer!  You don’t belong under darkness and dispelling darkness isn’t your job description, it’s His.  You can certainly try going all Gandalf-versus-Balrog but sometimes it’s just simpler to cease coddling the existence of darkness. What you need to be doing is focusing all your energy on unleashing light.  By no means am I saying that you’re not supposed to face your problems, letting light in begins exactly with the tough stuff, tackling each step.  Our wrong assumption is always that the “to-dos” constitute the darkness over us, they do not.  Focus on untangling each knot instead of finding yourself stuck in a looping monologue of how each knot sucks.  You’ll get somewhere, as long as you stay somewhere bright so you can see exactly what it is you’re doing.  Stay in the light.

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1 John 1:5-7 NKJV

“5 This is the message which we have heard from Him and declare to you, that God is light and in Him is no darkness at all. If we say that we have fellowship with Him, and walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin.”

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A NAMELESS FEAR AND CAMPAIGNING FOR HOPE

From a very young age I was often taught to learn to lead and get involved and not just sit back and watch the show.  I ran for student government (positions in the wings mostly) both in my tiny high-school and in my large university, or if I happened to not be officer in grade-school or high-school I was writing essays, little school skits, or once editing our little school newsletter (it was a small school but still, got it done).  Politics, wherever it turned up in my life, wasn’t some toxic blowfish word mentioned in our family that carried a foul stench, unlike for some.  It was highlighted in our family for my generation as an avenue or space for possible improvement, anything was possible if worked for with zeal and integrity. Beginning Saturday I shall be duly serving in the ranks of my uncle Kiko Pangilinan (IG: @kiko.pangilinan, #40PANGILINANsaSenado) who is campaigning for the senate once more.  I will be shooting behind the scenes material on the campaign trail in 7 destinations in a span of 5 days, whew.  I see no reason why I shouldn’t involve you in this, I’d like to take you along somehow, if I can manage it.  It matters to me and I see that my beloved country is limping.  I crave protection of whatever beauty we find in the freedom we have today.

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Nearly a decade ago now in Tito Kiko Pangilinan’s 2007 campaign I conceptualized and spearheaded a web series project called KTubed which you can watch in glorious low resolution here and here, an online portal to see him as a normal person as well as a celebrated leader.  Passionately, I used OPM music from people I knew to generously season the videos with young flavor.  The project was of enough significance that the search for the mere Multiply website I was embedding the KTubed YouTube videos on in 2007 was being slapped by hackers, search engines were often being masked from searching for the site.  Following the release of that web series campaign I was interviewed for my small role and the use of YouTube on ANC.  That was a little project I was quite proud of which I produced, shot, and edited personally on a well-loved Toshiba laptop.  By the way, of course I will be mentioning my presidentiable but I choose to do so on my social media platforms instead.   Read on to the end of the post.

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TIMELESS PICK-ME-UP VIDEOS BY MODERN WOMEN

One of the things a hairstylist friend of mine observed really settled in my heart days after my shoot last week.  “Alam mo, Julia, magaling ka…pero yung problem mo lang is…madali ka madisappoint.”  He noticed how all it took was for one of my misplaced expectations let’s say in my career or line of work to stray off course and it would sometimes bring me to a dark place.  Sometimes closest friends would have to talk me out of a doom spiral where everything just kinda spins.  Because sometimes your thoughts are wrong you actually believe it’s getting worse and worse, to the point where you almost don’t recognize yourself in a vicious cycle, almost like losing several rounds of the Heads Up game to ALL THE GUYS and a couple of drinks, ’til just before sun up LOL.  Find me if you can.

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Everything is sometimes not at all what is happening to you, but a mere, seemingly endless whirlwind of thoughts and feelings…thoughts and feelings, feelings and thoughts which Henri Nouwen had something to say about.

“Then it is important to realise that most of these feelings and thoughts are just feelings and thoughts, and that the Spirit of God dwells beyond our feelings and thoughts. It is a great grace to be able to experience God’s presence in our feelings and thoughts, but when we don’t, it does not mean that God is absent. It often means that God is calling us to a greater faithfulness.” – HENRI NOUWEN, Dutch-born Catholic priest and writer who authored 40 books on the spiritual life. Nouwen’s books are widely read today by Protestants and Catholics alike

Today I wanted to share with you four or five women whose words have affected me in the most otherworldly way over the last 3-4 years.  They’ve provided the most true pick me up videos ever.  I’ll mention them according to “theme”.  Read on to “meet” these women.  Fyi, they’re certainly not the sore losers above, haha.

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A REAL LIFE RAMBLE

Currently, yes I have started editing my vlog on my first full facial, stay alert for that one.  I know I won’t produce a proper edit if I force finish it before midnight so I must as well just…talk to you guys.  When was blogging anything more than sending your own shiny thought bubble out into the world?  Or perhaps, a place to let out some emo steam.  I remember vaguely when I last felt the way I feel now which is utterly pressured and just a tad bit discouraged about somethings but not entirely, this is not related to blogging but more on some real life things I need to get done other than the blogging, hence this short hiatus (short only because of delays).

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UP FINE ARTS BLOCK BATCHMATES AND BEYOND: Dan Matutina (Twisted Fork), Me (Bless My Bag) Marielle Nadal (Craft MNL), Bernice De Leon Yumul (Plus63)

Back then I was a senior in university (blockmates above reunited about 4 years ago), I was on the university wide student council, and in the running for honors (but barely).  It didn’t help either that year that my general ed subjects sometimes felt just as taxing as my majors and that I contracted dengue fever in the first semester of thesis.  There were certain days that felt like things were going to tumble down on me the next morning (sheer number of things to do and classes etc) and at a wee hour in the morning I’d glance at the clock while being not yet done and sometimes I felt sort of in a bind.  The things I needed to get done were in venues so far away from each other I had to plan my life around that.  Anyway today I need to stop looking at all these to dos as a web and need to focus on snapping each tiny strand.  I’ll get through this, I’ll get every single thing done.  Oh, April, I’m so not ready for you with all these tickboxes still not ticked, but will endeavor to be and I shall overcome.  Oh, and you’re welcome for the emo steam.… To full post & COMMENTS...

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