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MARCH SIX, TWO THOUSAND SIX

We’re not waiting for Thursday.  I once had a spot somewhere on blogspot where I vented way too many emotions online, as one does in her early twenties.  My early twenties, as opposed to my tame teens, were the most rollercoaster-ish years of my life in the realm of circumstance (then…little did I know) and ultimately also somewhat of a renaissance for me Spiritually.  However, note that I botched up the Bible reading about Adam and Eve here at my friend’s wedding, too long a story to explain why here, just know that somewhere at the end it was an epic fail LOL.  The title of this post is not based on this picture…but on my archived blog post from way back below.

blog23

Even if you don’t feel the least bit spiritual, whatever, keep reading.  A post was supposed to go up about the Oscars red carpet style lineup, but because of where I’m currently at in life I didn’t feel like collecting material for it yesterday.  Hardly any of it interested me thanks to the fact that I’m currently bound to real life things that need doing this week ’til next week.  Real life responsibilities are taxing on the mind (literally).  No worries, will still find a way to blog beauty daily or at least post SOMETHING daily but they’ll be shorter posts if I’m way too busy.  This space was certainly made for a much needed calm before the plunge.  I’ll be 33 this year, soon.  Fancy reading a little bit of 23-year old me?  Then proceed.  I was just in a moment earlier where I very much needed to consult me from 10 years ago, because right at that time my heart was on the right track.


Monday, March 06, 2006 , 9:40am

The Teacher of Trust

I often wonder why it is that daily, as we all mature, things we want, big or small, or even situations and problems in our lives become harder to lift up to God, and the more difficult part even is leaving it there with Him, trusting Him with ALL of it. It sounds simple lang pero lam naman natin na it doesn’t feel simple for us. We’re reminded repeatedly, at least those of us who believe in God’s will for every good and perfect thing to come to pass. Yet, I still fear or agonize over the unknown. What do I do when I know how I should be, but deep inside my spirit is still restless?

I used to feel guilty about saying I trust Him then still having that feeling inside that I don’t. I’d suddenly remember the words “come as you are” from many Christian songs and I’d break down lots of times knowing I have no choice but to come before God with my doubt, with my fear and whatever it is I want Him to take or trust Him for. I can only run to Him knowing that no matter how dirty I am He’ll still embrace me…and even kiss me for coming to Him for answers and comfort.

A lot of people read Jeremiah 29:11. The familiar lines of this verse have comforted many through centuries. Recently, I found that reading the passage through all the way to verse 13 brings even more comfort than one expects to find in verse 11. For any of us who are searching and learning to trust, we can read and rest in His words.

“‘For I know the plans that I have for you’ declares the Lord, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you.
‘And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.”
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In the inmost part…

I’ve been having bouts of interrupted sleep and waking up at this way too early hour of about 3am.  Yesterday it was understandable, because the other night I made the mistake of taking an early nap at 6pm I then woke up at 9 or 10pm and that was not a good idea.  

I didn’t expect that I’d wake up at this hour again, because I went to bed this time at about…10pm.  Restless, once again, in the inmost part.

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Blog Breakaway – “Lunes” Ancient Poetry by Yours Truly

I surprised myself.  I rediscovered my personal online blogger journal, which of course I won’t be reviving or sharing the link of here.  I hadn’t realized I’d written so much between 2004 and 2007, the years when I first worked in post production and lived in a dinky apartment adjacent to the hum and buzz further in from the Makati B-side area.

How my dog, Jack,  feels about Mondays, or days that end in Y.

Back then when I used to write a lot more about more meaningful things (LOL) I even did some poetry to put my mind at ease.  Here’s one to reassure you that Monday does come to an end.  Haha.

LUNES

kapag sumilip ang liwanag
sa pagtulog na ni buwan
ako’y pakipot pang dumilat
bespren ko pa si unan

kamot kamot sa mata
konting hikab pang bitin
yoko pang malaman
kung wala na’ng bawat bituin

pag abot sa telepono
may konti pang dasal
na sana maaga aking bangon
kalayo pa ng almusal

ngunit sa sigaw na ng mga bata
na patakbo takbo doon
alam kong gising na ang linggo
Inaantay na ako ni sabon

Natapos din ang signal #2
sa loob ng banyong kyut
wag limutin ang mga kalat
dapat sa basura syut na syut

sa isang kwarto sa ciudad
na sa totoo’y napakaliit
ang simula ng bawat araw
nitong babaeng makulit

parang simple lang ang buhay
pero minsan sobrang hindi
alam naman natin kung bakit
lagi sa trabahong nagmamadali

kaya eto nalang ako bigla
nakaupo at napapaisip
marami palang masasabi
tungkol sa “kondo” kong masikip

Dating dati ang huling pagtula
mukhang naubusan na ng Ingles
Sa pagsusulat wala akong sawa
patapos na rin ang aking Lunes

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